god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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