my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
the raccoons are back...
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