You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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