i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if only i could text you this smell
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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