hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
