Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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