Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
