I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
