she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
