I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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