i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
