I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
