He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
