Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
