I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
