I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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