she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
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The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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