Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
