When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
