I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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