I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
no you cant smoke seaweed
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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