I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Say something about gay babies.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
