I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
