1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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