...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry my hands just texted you
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
