Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
