Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
