Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
