Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
