it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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