So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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