Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
