I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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