I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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