you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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