Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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