Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
