His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
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I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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