Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
4 words: hood of his car
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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