when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
