This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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