you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
