the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Couch. On fire.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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