I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize