im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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