Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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