So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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