I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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