how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
