omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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