saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
