how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
