Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
