ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Randomize
