I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
