smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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