you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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