Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
