you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
