Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am available for nakedness
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
