This house was built for laser tag.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
