tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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