well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
50% drunk capacity currently
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm too high and old for this...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
