You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dear god my vagina.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
