i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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