I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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