wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
