I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I supernannyed him into submission
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
