Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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