I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
