I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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