I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
