i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
