we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
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Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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